My life changing lesson

Coaching Moment

Coaches and athletes may experience a number of ‘moments’ throughout their career; it’s important to reflect upon memorable coaching moments so that the set of circumstances may be considered and with good coaching moments, repeated. In business, Tiersky describes it as a ‘moment of truth’ during the first meeting, when the stakes are high and there is shared high emotion which enables a deeper emotional connection.

This is relatable in my experience, where as a para dressage rider I was once reliant on Velcro and straps to keep me on the horse. During my first meeting with my coach, he boldly removed all my aids. This had high stakes for rupture if I had fallen off the horse. However, it resulted in a lightbulb moment whereby I put my trust into the coach, and realised I was being held back by what I thought was keeping me on the horse. It allowed me to believe in my own capability and strengthened the relationship.

Malcolm and Olivia (2016)

Equestrianism has a militaristic background where there is an order to go by within training, this has remained unchanged despite the increase in leisure riding. Further to this, the Dunning Kruger effect is common within the equestrian industry, whereby a person overestimates their level of knowledge and capability. This means many coaches are unaware of their own limitations or weaknesses and therefore cannot address them.

Horse riding is considered one of the highest mortality sports meaning stakes are high, consequently coaches tend to be cautious - especially with para riders. Good connection and harmony during horse riding requires sensitive emotional and kinetic intelligence, and requires the coach to quickly judge both horse and rider. My coach had to read both myself and the horse very quickly to decide what approach was appropriate.

A coach has the potential to bring out an athlete’s finest, truest moments in what Roberts et al (2005) calls a personal touchstone of who we are: ‘the reflected best self’. Additionally, it requires the coach to be sharp and present to observe, recognise and interpret the potential for a ‘moment’.

I experienced a coaching moment through shared vulnerability during that first lesson. He was vulnerable in being honest that he didn’t know what the outcome would be of removing my aids, that he hadn’t taught para before, and this made me willing to be vulnerable in trying it together.

According to Brené Brown “When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.”

When my coach went counterculture and admitted his vulnerability, that he didn’t know what the outcome would be or if it would work, he allowed us to cross the bridge of vulnerability together. If we cannot be vulnerable, we must distance ourselves from the experience and are therefore less ‘in the moment’.

Especially within high performance, there is a perception that you must be ruthless and emotionless to be a winner, but according to Dr Grange:

‘you don’t have to choose between being wholehearted […] or winning, you can do both… But the bridge you must cross is vulnerability’.

Considering this, the athlete needs to have good emotional regulation: if the athlete is too emotional they cannot be logical whilst playing sport, and therefore the athlete should have good control in order to benefit from high emotion which can lead to a moment.

This requires self-awareness and vulnerability to let others know your limitations, and sensitivity to judge the personality of the athlete in front of you and flexibility in what approach to use.

Interviewing Malcolm

As a part of the assignment, I had the opportunity to interview Malcolm to gain his insight. I wanted to understand Malcom’s thoughts on character judgement during the first meeting:

’As a coach the first thing you need to do is tap into the chimp and figure out what drives the chimp as how to guide the person away from that and into cognitive process which will allow them to learn’’

When I went to describe the moment where he took away my aids, he instantly remembered and said:

‘’Do you remember what I said: we stop focussing on what you can’t do and start focussing on what you can do, to develop those and that will give us a baseline’’.

I went on to ask whether this was planned or spontaneous to remove my aids:

‘That was a fully conscious choice, as a coach that was exactly what I felt you needed at that moment, as a coach I have to figure out how to strip someone down to the core, and worked through their fears and worries. We have to change emotion to cognitive process, so that emotion is not an inhibiting factor’.

‘You were clearly someone with a scientific, enquiring mind, so I knew I could teach process to you. That’s easier for me as that’s how my mind also works. As long as I could take you away from thinking about what you couldn't do, it opened up avenues for producing you as a rider’.

‘If someone was too emotionally brained, they’d be in a heap and literally come off the horse. It’s my job to read someone. If you were a shrinking violet, I’d have to take a completely different approach of very small incremental changes’. 

‘’If you attach something emotional to it, it can either enhance or inhibit the experience’’

I asked if Malcolm believed coaching ‘moments’ are planned or spontaneous:

‘Moments are planned by the coach but limited by the rider, you can see yourself building to breakthrough. If the momentum is there you can build it up and make it explode’.

Therefore, as coaches, we must be present and aware during our sessions to take advantage of potential moments.

Risk Management

Malcolm is a very quick judge of character which allows him to use a method which others may perceive to be risky, this allowed us to cross the threshold for a ‘moment’

‘I didn't feel any sense of risk because I read the horse fast and controlled the work that we did, I have to read the rider and horse. With you I didn't feel risk because you had a sharp brain and you were determined. All of that shone through and was obvious. You have the ability to understand what I was doing and had enough drive to override any emotional response to losing your crutches’.

This again highlights the importance of overriding emotional regulation in a ‘moment’, as well as considering the impact of environment and external factors.

Going counter culture

I asked whether Malcom knew it was counterculture to remove my aids, especially with a para rider:

‘I spoke to Inga (a founder of paralympic dressage) and asked if it was stupid but she said no you’ll probably make her stronger because everyone wraps them in cotton wool.’

‘I knew it was completely left field, but again you had an enquiring mind and had clearly done research, but it was the last thing you expected me to do. As coach, it strips you down to the point where I’ve got a blank page to work with’.

From the outside it’s risky, the only risk was that emotionally you wouldn’t handle it; in which case you’d have said he’s a shit coach and go somewhere else’.

The fact Malcolm was willing to do what he thought was right, despite the fact he could have lost a client is an important lesson: his philosophy overrides any external value. It was a smart move because it gave him coaching flexibility if I was stripped down, and he could start from scratch.

‘My approach is always work on what is possible, rather than what is impossible, if you’ve got that positivity and you’re making progress, then suddenly you’re doing things you thought were impossible – whether you disabled or not, it’s just people’.

Knowledge generosity

One of the reasons I respect Malcolm so much is the wealth of knowledge he has so willingly given me.

‘It really pisses me off with coaches. It’s hard to make a living in this industry, and so they try and make their clients reliant on them. They can do the job when the coach is there, but the coach doesn’t give the tools to do it without them. Too many coaches make it a mystery. Nothing to do with sport is complicated. It’s simple repetitive movements done with four basic principles: rhythm, discipline, balance and timing.’

The best coaches give everything they know to the athlete, so that they have the tools to succeed by themselves. For me, his generosity in giving his knowledge makes me want to keep using him, which is the opposite of what many coaches do within the industry.

Coaching ancestry

Malcolm’s strong philosophy made me curious as to where these strong values came from:

‘Stark (Malcolm’s coach) gave me two things: there’s nothing on the horse that I can’t do, there are just some things I haven’t learned to do yet’. I now try and build that into people: there’s nothing you can’t do; you just haven’t done it yet.’

This underlying philosophy is exactly what he has taught me. It was highlighted by Carless and Douglas (2011) how important it is for coaches to articulate their own coaching philosophy through storytelling, what coaches do is influenced through reflection upon their own experiences, moments, and philosophy.  After speaking to Malcolm, he is clearly aware of where his philosophy on self-belief and counterculture approach for rapport building has come from. Therefore, it’s important I process the experiences I have had to pass down this philosophy and approach to my athletes.

My coaching philosophy

The experience and moments I’ve had with Malcolm inspired me to become a coach, so that I can help other people bring down their perceived barriers and fulfil their potential.

This reflective process has made me aware of how important the influence of coaching ancestry is, how these epiphanies can be passed down through coaches and athletes and refract into their daily lives and create lasting change.

The most important lesson Malcolm taught me is ‘there’s nothing you can’t do; you just haven’t done it yet’, and in turn, that was the most important lesson he learned from his coach. This mindset led his approach during my coaching moment of taking the reins. The lessons on self-belief refracted into every other area of my life outside of sport and changed the narrative in my head to ‘this is really hard, but I’m going to try’.

As a coach, I want to allow myself to be open and vulnerable in admitting when I can’t guarantee to know an outcome, but I will step with the athlete through the process of it, in order to cross perceived barriers together. It is my job to learn to read people quickly and determine what type of coaching will help them believe in themselves, without pushing them to the point of being too emotional. Additionally, we have to be generous with our knowledge to give athletes the tools they need to fix their problems and not make the athletes reliant on us for their success. As coaches, we are facilitators in leading people to having their own moments, it is therefore our responsibility to make it less about us, and more about the athlete. Therefore, we must try and be present during our coaching to identify the potential for moments. If we are open, vulnerable, and honest then hopefully it will inspire our athletes to do the same.